Hello everyone! I have a question I find tricky. I had an 11-month
old boy in my care. He constantly screamed & cried to be held. He even
did this when I was clearly visible, took a one inch step away, or even
when I looked away from him. He wouldn't even allow me to talk on the
phone. I had 2 potential clients lost B/C of this.
His mother said it was due to an "illness." Everday it was, "oh,
he's teething, he has an ear infection." Anything but "he screams &
tries to climb/claw his way up my leg when I'm in the kitchen too." It
was something everyday.
Keep in mind, this is the same mom who said in her interview- "He
never cries & we've never had any behavior/disipline problems w/ him, &
he never gets sick, oh and don't worry, I would never bring him over if
he is sick though, I don't want to get your little boy sick." (My son
was 5-6 months old at the time.) Also, something I've learned very
early on in this career, never accept a client whose "mother",
"grandmother", or any other relative, friend calls for her/him for your
services; especially when this person calling is also the present
provider. Almost always, the mother doesn't really want your services.
Why should she, when mom or grandma is doing it for free, plus putting
up w/ all the early drop-offs, late pick-ups? The mom/grandma is
calling you B/C their daughter/son won't, & they are getting too old,
or grandpa's health is failing & they have numerous MD appointment's to
make & they just can't handle watching their grandkids/grandemons(in
some cases:) anymore. I have had this happen twice to me from
experience, plus several other calls from these grandparents I feel
sorry for, but would not even interview them past that fact, B/c I had
been there, done that & it was not good. Sorry, I got off the subject a
bit, but wanted to make those of you unaware aware! Point being, this
was the case w/ this mom. P.S- The grandmother sat in the interview the
whole time quiet as a mouse & I wondered why when she had been so
talkative over the phone.
We had agreed on the drop-off time of 6:30, which was more than
enough time to make it to her 3 minute away job. No, she dropped off
between 6:10 & 6:20. To some people this seems like so what, a tad
early. No, to me it means- daughter misses bus! It was also agreed upon
that there would be no charging, I was to be paid before the service
was rendered. I was already so flex w/ her. I told her I didn't care if
she paid weekly, daily, whatever, as long as it was paid upfront. She
started charging on the second day! She also would bail on me at times,
saying her husband was keeping him tomorrow so I would'nt be needed, or
grandma wants to spend some time with him so I would only need to have
him for a half-day. Of course, I was only paid a half-day too.
Sometimes it would shock me if I called her for something, I could
actually hear her let out a sigh of aggravation as I was telling her
something about her child. Not aggravated w/ her child, w/ me for
taking up her time, she didn't seem to care. She also got very upset
that I lock my doors during the day. The parent comes & knocks, I go
immediantly go let them in. It's not like she gave me those "surprise"
visits, this would be her exact pick-up time. As soon as I heard her
pull up, I would go to unlock the door, but if it took me a few extra
seconds, she would beat on the door furiously.
I ended up terminating care immediantly w/out notice. Not only was
she not paying me, I saw her as an extreme danger. I also caught her in
lies red-handed numerous times. The last straw was when she had charged
the day before, then came to pick him up, had no intention of even
mentioning payment today until I said something, she informed me that
tomorrow- "I will be an hour late cause we have a meeting & I have to
go get my check cashed & do some stuff, oh yeah & then I'll pay you."
Keep in mind the day she was going to be let was the day before my
birthday/first anniversary week-end, so I had to go & pick up my check
from another job I have 4 days a month. I did not keep him after that,
nor did I get paid. She left a lot of his things, including his $75
highchair which she still will not pick up. I also questioned my
sanity. I was\ letting her bring her sick child into care. IMHO, he had
no business in my business if he was "sick." She was always wanting me
to give him Tylenol. I got scared after a situation where I called to
get her off work to come pick him up b/c he was stark raving mad. When
she arrived, she immediantly picked him up, he ceased crying, hit his
mom in the face & laughs. His mom however just goes, "oh , I see that
Tylenol just kicked in." I proceded to tell her i had had to give him
Tylenlol twice in 4 hour intervals.(I had to give it to him right when
he arrived on her request.) Anyway, after telling her that, she looked
away & when I looked back at her, she had this look on her face like- I
could just kill someone or hurt someone bad right now, but when she
noticed I was looking at her- she stopped & put on a fake look & said
really sugary "So, you gave him Tylenol when & when? It just seemed
odd. Also, whenever I had to call her home phone(which she said she
didn't have a home phone, but duh, she called me from it one night) I
never heard the baby cry, whimper but I always heard their "buzzed"
company, if you know what I mean. And I can't even pee when he's w/ me!
I even kept this child every other week-end & only charged her $12 a
day! What an idiot! Her and me! But atleast I'm not a bad parent or as
bad a person she is, so that makes me feel a whole lot better about
being "too soft hearted." They will only break that softness, not
embrace it & be thankful. I'm just glad I'm not that kind of person.
The child did I believe have some kind of an ear infection but that
wasn't all there was too it, After all, he never came into the daycare
w/ any antibiotics. She also admitted to me that everytime she got a
phone call at work, she would get scared that it was me, calling to say
come & get S*** B/C he just attacked, hit, bit my baby! All this after
insisting to me he was an angel. She also told me in our initial
interview I was his first caretaker, then at termination time, she let
something slip about a friend of hers wouldn't babysit him B/C of
something he did & that "Grandma can't cook supper w/out S***
climbing/clawing up her legs. All these blatant lies! I
I was just so scared that something was going to medically
happen to him while in my care. Especially after the time she acted
oddly about the tylenol amount, the next day at pick-up, she said that
1 time she rushed him to the E.R B/C he was unresponsive, wouldn't
talk, respond or move, just very lethargic. She said that the doc's
just told her that it was "nothing" to worry about & was probably due
to his "ear prolem", (constant infections.) See, he had had a similar
episode w/ me a day or two earlier where he just seemed lethargic, when
I am so used to seeing him act-up and screaming.
The child never objected to coming to mr from his mothers arms,
even on the first day. Nor, did the child mind going back to his mother
at the end of the day. I mentioned earlier about how he was so
attention starved, crying when I took a step away, etc. He also did
this w/ my husband, my 7-year old daughter, anyone who got near him. He
also called me "mama" and my husband "dada". At almost 1, he could
walk, I saw him do it on the day of the interview. After that, He would
not walk again, the only time he would crawl would be when I was a few
feet away & refused to go pick him up, then he would crawl to climb up
my legs. They also told me he was on a sippee cup. Yeah, they sent one
but I got tired of having to hold the cup for him and tilt his head
back so he would drink. For a bottle, I would have to feed him like an
infant. He would not dare hold his own. I knew he could though. He
found it very amusing to hit. He looked at any other small kids in my
care w/ such anger/hate in his eyes. His mom claims they don't hold him
at all at home.
My question is, do you think this child was a victim of
abuse/neglect or just spoiled and held all the time? It's really eating
at me. Do you think I was wrong for not giving notice? You all are so
appreciated. You've made me not give up! Thanks!
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